Anxiety Is Just an Emotion?

 Note : Sometimes people with anxiety tend to have a hard way explaining what they're going through! They might not be able to put it in words, or even have valid reason for feeling that way! And also when it comes to anxiety, you only see the tip of the iceberg of how much it really impact someone.

Let me begin with, what is Anxiety ?

We have seen this picture somewhere sometime in internet revolving around like "Two kinds of person in the world". Well me too! But have you ever saw this in a different perspective ? Like whenever I see this I never really felt its two different individual but a single one i.e. particularly with and without anxiety( that is in my case). The first one with anxiety and second one with no anxiety. So a feeling of worry, nervousness or uneasy that you feel inside your head, throat, heart and gut. Anxiety can be triggered by many things such as stress, lack of sleep and many more. Anxiety can cause negative thoughts and poor self - assessments. Anxiety is a normal emotion and really common but that doesn't mean its so common that we can just neglect it. It may not be enjoyable but also it can help you focus when you face a challenge or threat to protect yourself from possible dangers. Anxiety is an adaption of that vital and fundamental fear response. Anxiety will tell you the worst is true and you know its not true but your then developed emotion make you believe it no matter what. You are bound to believe it. Hence, anxiety is a normal emotion. It's your brain's way of reacting to stress and alerting you of potential danger ahead. 

Everyone feels anxious now and then. Occasional anxiety is ok but anxiety disorders are different. They are group of mental illnesses that cause constant and overwhelming anxiety and fear. 

Now lets talk about how to recognize anxiety in yourself and others : 

1. Overthinking and trouble Focusing

2. Avoidance and constant worrying

3. Gut issues and Panic Attacks 

4. Needing Frequent Reassurance 

5. Lack of Patience 

6. Headache and Insomnia 

7. Memory Issues 

There are many more symptoms which are hidden other then what I have noted above. I have included all that I have faced when my anxiety were triggered but in general symptoms of anxiety varies from person to person and situation to situations. Anxiety can truly be really really confusing because you may feel fine one minute and the next minute possible symptoms may seem to appear out of no context and no relations. You find yourself experiencing anxiety just at the thought of a normal task or also could be the task that you enjoy. For my case, I once had a breakdown during giving presentation out of nowhere although speaking, talking and giving speech is the area of my enjoyable interest. Like I already said above in the intro, it is really a challenging task to come out describing how you feel to your friends, family and loved ones. You find yourself debating every possible things from how you gonna cope with people after they talked with you in a little different tone of voice than usual to shaming yourself for having a breakdown at something you believe doesn't define that reaction of yours yet you couldn't help it. Although you recognize that these fear is excessive and unreasonable, you often feel powerless against it. For me the most prominent behavior that I have always developed out of anxiety is criticizing myself for knowing a worry is irrational but still letting it control my decisions, replaying a mistake I made long time ago over and over again, not being able to fall asleep, needing soothing songs to pass out, worrying about the next day to come, lastly panicking that I am not falling asleep and getting even more anxious. You know there's a feeling that you have made yourself proud, you are not a weak person, you were never a weak person, you are fighter and you have so many things to offer to this big and bright place called world and you try more and more to be better version of yourself everyday but the feeling of emptiness will always be their no matter how hard you try and try. Some past wrong doings and guilt ( now don't think its a relationship issue cause most of we have this habit of shaming others about traumatic experiences of their bitter relationships and breakups ) have so deeply engraved and rooted  within you that you have ruined your paths towards the goals by some ways and you always believe that you are a freaking looser. You are fed with a disappointment tag always no matter how hard you try but you fail. You get surrounded with these thoughts and negativity when your anxiety is triggered. I know my anxiety is lying to me. All these things aren't true but it happens anyway. 

I don't know when I developed anxiety and overthinking but when I knew about it, it was already too late. I used to believe till that time that it was sadness due to failures I was facing but it was not because of failures. The failures were there because of developing of such behaviors in me. First there was physical loneliness I used to have because of living alone. Before then, I was happy, cheerful girl and with good academic backgrounds. After living alone at new place surrounded by new people you don't know anything about but you got to trust them. It was my mistake to trust people blindly because one of my friend said to me lately that people are the most cruel creature in the world which I strongly agree now but during those days I was completely blindfolded with that fact. I don't want to blame others saying they are bad but I want to say I was wrong in a way that I expected kindness from everybody around me and I didn't get any. My problem was like every other drug, I got high from getting approval from others and that eventually torn off in no time. Of course, I knew people before too but during then I had a family 24/7 around me. Even though I used to be shattered by some here and there disappointments, my family were there to support me indirectly( because I don't share very personal things that churn in my head with them as I don't want to worry them) and that sadness used to vanish. I was alone this time. I had nobody to support me even indirectly so it grew even more without my knowing. I didn't know back then that having the approval of others, caring what others think about me is a surefire way to rob the world of your gifts. How selfish is it withhold what you have to offer to others all because you are thinking too much about what some people may think of you? I was already really suffering from it and wasn't able to control it. I only knew it was wrong and shouldn't be thinking that way but little did I know I was providing more and more fuel to the flame of anxiety that was triggering by all these things. I remember I used to feel certain kind of fear every single day after 6 or 7 pm at night and used to cry with no reasons. I used to call some of my friends and tell them I am scared and used to cry. If they read this blog they would know its them. I owe a very very sincere gratitude to them for being their for me during those times. So this is how I believe I developed the very beginning spark of anxiety being triggered by overthinking, stress and fear. I didn't want to write all this at beginning because I fear people will still gonna judge me and term me as "attention seeker" because these feelings might be normal but what I believe is Feelings are Feelings, every feelings are important and if people are comfortable with talking about it let them do. Even if you are still judging reading my blog, just stop it! You don't have to read any further !

I don't want to talk about every incidents that triggered my anxiety even worse cause it will be really long and boring and its not my motive to write this lengthy blog in first place describing all the incidents that triggered it. So, yeah ! Within all these years I have had it worse at beginning without knowing what it is later with knowing what it is and also knowing how to control it. Also I tend to develop anxiety attacks even more with my illness that is PCOS. If you don't know what PCOS is ? refer to my another blog. It was really difficult for me to control it when I knew that it was anxiety that was getting worse but I somehow tried. Tried to do meditation, yoga and adapting positivity no matter how hard it gets. I wanna be honest that I am impatient so yoga and meditation was a challenge for me and it is still a challenge for me. I went for exercises instead because I need to exercise to lose weight. Trust me ! Exercise really helped. My anxiety disorder got really really low due to exercise because I used to workout every single day. I was getting my results for which I started exercises which made me cheerful and happy. I used to feel tired due to workouts by which I used to sleep early and had no time for overthinking, stress and lack of sleep to trigger anxiety. Thus it was killed. Hence, what I have found is regular exercise works as well as medication, meditation for some people to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression and the effects can be long lasting. One vigorous exercise session can help alleviate symptoms for hours, and a regular schedule may significantly reduce them over time. Although exercise has positive effect for most anxious people including me, others may find it not so helpful. Thus the effects can vary but in general get moving.

Now, I have already started talking about ways to control anxiety a little bit stating the importance of exercise and meditation. I also want to talk about how I somehow overcame from stopping myself from caring what people think of me. The first way is to be gentle with myself. Wanting to feel connected with others is normal. It's only an issue when its imbalanced with other priorities., like having boundaries. I have found that everything including the desire for approval which I talked previously, can serve or kneel you down depending on how you take it or accept it. Ask yourself these questions :

1. Do you use your desire for approval as a force to help you see things from other people's perspective, or do you use it as a crutch on which you base your happiness ?

2. Do you use your desire for approval as a reminder to give yourself approval, or do you use it as an excuse to be miserable when others don't give you approval?

3. Finally, are you willing to show the ultimate demonstration of genuine love - sacrificing your desire for approval in order to serve another?

Also an important step in managing anxiety involves facing feared situations, places or objects. Its normal to avoid the things you fear. Its okay to not feeling like replying to a text for long time in a fear that you make screw up the relationship you have with the opponent. However, avoidance prevents you from learning that the things you fear are not as dangerous as you think. That's what I felt lately because I did avoided it for most of the time. The process of facing fears is also the step towards healing and curing that you need to do. Facing fears involves gradually and repeatedly going into feared situations until you feel less anxious. Facing fear is not dangerous and won't make the fear any worse. Starting with situations that are less scary for you, for my case it was fighting back with toxic people who were trying to emotionally drain me taking advantage of my vulnerability, you work your way up to facing things that cause you great deal of anxiety. Over time, you build up confidence in those situations and may even come to cherish and accept them. This process happens naturally.

No matter how severe your anxiety is, once you understand the type of anxiety you are dealing with, you can start to explore ways to control its triggers. Either by self therapy or by exercise or by measures with a therapist or mental health professional who can help you manage the symptoms. Also ignoring your sleep routine ( although I can't help myself from this when anxiety kicks in ), not keeping balanced diet, leading with negativity are still some of the bad habits that could make you more anxious. I am kind of still guilty of this for some few days but rest of the day try to keep myself away from these things as much as possible because these things increases stress which will definitely trigger your anxiety no matter what.

Yes anxiety is just an emotion and you shouldn't be making it a great deal cause that is normal but that doesn't mean you have to stay quiet and let that go on its own. It won't. Its not a sunrise and sunset that will pass easily with time. It will pass but not speaking your mind is disrespecting your feelings as if they are nothing. Your feelings are really really important for you. Tell how you really feel instead of keeping it all inside. Right people will understand it and will suggest you to cope with it. Secondly, don't isolate yourself. Keeping yourself away from interaction can deteriorate your well being so much that by staying isolated it will again worsen your mental health. You should be active and moving everyday so that you feel good. Also, don't stop forming your own opinions and values. Start caring about your own happiness even if its really really small and even if people tend to mock you for celebrating small happiness. Let them mock and judge, they are idiots and losers anyway. Take care of yourself. At the end of the day, all you deserve is love and affection even if there is nobody to love you the way you wanted to be loved. You have you and that's more than enough. Don't forget to love you little extra today as you are healing, growing and evolving. 

Last but not the least, personally I was tired, stressed and anxious from few days which led to my elevated anxiety. I had a good sleep last night but still my head was churning because of the overthinking to the extreme I had few days back, I was not having any concentration while I was trying to study today. So just wanted to open this and write it down. Personally traumatized by anxiety attacks and also from few good anxiety healing books, I have tried to write what I feel and know about anxiety more or less. I might be majorly wrong entirely throughout the blog and any suggestions are welcome to make me aware about the facts related to it. But I have hoped that I somehow did justice maybe just a little. So yeah! Mental Health Matters! You are not suffering this alone. Lets be kind to each other little extra everyday.